Pranking Pipsqueak
by TransformingTurtle
Summary: Ed thinks he's about to pull the ultimate prank on his superior. He's wrong. Parental Roy/Ed. Happy (really late) April fools!


_April fools!_

 _You might think that's a strange way to start off when April 1st was like, what? Almost a month ago? But let me give you some context. So I originally I thought I'd be clever and post this story about April fools-ing on said holiday. I thought of it just a few days before and assured myself I could do it. I couldn't, obviously. Then I had reservations about posting at all, because I typed it up so quickly and didn't feel it was all that great. But after some thinking and editing, I decided it would be a waste to not let you enjoy something from me since it's been so long._

 _This definitely started out a lot differently in my head, but before I knew it, my humorous little one-shot turned into an angsty parental Roy/Ed moment and I wonder why I try to write anything else._

 _Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

"He should appreciate me more!"

The blond teenager in black and red paced back and forth across his dorm room. He ran gloved hands through his hair, causing a bunch of strands too fall out of his usually perfect braid.

"I swear I'm quitting this time."

A giant suit of armor sat against a wall, unbothered by the hard texture. He watched his older brother carefully with red soul fire eyes.

"Don't say things like that, brother. How are we going to get our bodies back if you do?"

"I don't know I'll...I'll figure something out. Just as long as I don't have to see his smug face anymore!"

His pacing picked up, and Alphonse knew he had to think of a clever way to talk Ed out of another "quitting attempt."

"He's just hard on you because he cares."

That was definitely not his best line, but the poor boy couldn't help but be honest.

"Cares?!" Ed threw his hands into the air like he had just heard the most preposterous thing ever. "Seriously, you think that jerk cares about us!? He cares about as much as our father, who abandoned us as kids, in case you forgot. I'm sure Roy will abandon us too the second I'm not useful anymore."

"Brother please," The armor pleaded with him. "I really wish you'd think more before you spoke. You know that isn't true. You're probably just tired and need to sleep this off, okay?"

Again, not his most award-winning argument against his brother, but it was still a valid point.

"I have much more important things to do than sleep right now, Al." He pulled out his watch and examined the time. "And I'm seriously supposed to meet with him again tomorrow?"

"Uh, well, he did say it was important."

"Yeah right." He waved him off. "What day is tomorrow again?"

"Saturday."

"Yeah but what's the date."

"April first, I believe."

"Wait." Ed spun around quickly to face his brother. "Tomorrow is the first of April?

"Yes."

"And it's a really important meeting, huh?"

The younger boy tilted his head to the side. "That's what he said…"

Before he could ask anything, the blond burst out laughing like a crazy person, leaving a very confused, but mostly worried Alphonse.

"Um, brother?"

"Oh, that's rich." Ed continued to entertain himself with laughing. "He almost got me that time."

"Okay now I really think you need to get some rest." He stood up from his spot on the floor to make his way over to Ed.

"Al, do you even realize what tomorrow is?"

"I guess not…"

"Come on, it's April fools!"

"Oh."

"Don't you remember? We used to play jokes on mom and Winry, and even each other on April fools."

"We did?"

"Remember that doll we made for Winry when we first showed off our alchemy?"

Alphonse was silent for a moment. "I remember we made her cry."

"Yeah, but then she got over it and ended up keeping the doll. So one year we used alchemy to make her think it was possessed. She was so freaked out that time."

"We did?"

"Of course. You don't remember that?" As soon as the words came out, Ed realized how stupid the question had been. He sat down on the bed as guilt washed over him again. "Sorry Al, I didn't realize you were having trouble…"

"It's fine, brother. It's just a silly memory. I still remember the important stuff, right?"

"Yeah." The blond replied, a little less enthusiastic than before.

"That's why you can't give up. Neither of us can. We'll see this through to the end, okay?" He held out a fist for his brother to pound. Ed stared at it a moment.

"I know. I'm not really going to quit." Then he pounded Al's fist with an auto-mail one, suddenly perking up. "Al…"

There were many different ways Ed would say his name, and his little brother had gotten pretty good at knowing what each tone and inflection meant. This time, he could definitely tell it meant trouble.

"…yes?"

"I just had the perfect idea!" He jumped back off the bed and immediately began pacing again, except this time it was more from excitement. "I'm going to prank Roy before he can prank us!"

"I don't know if that's a good idea…"

"Of course it's not good. It's great! I'll show him, Al. I'll show him what it would be like if I wasn't around anymore."

"Brother…"

"Then he'll learn to appreciate me. He'll finally see how valuable I am and how much he really needs me."

"You don't even know if that's why he wants to meet with us."

"Who cares? This will be payback for all the short jokes and stupid missions and treating me like a kid."

All the poor armored boy could do was shake his head in disapproval. He knew there was no stopping Ed. He also knew the consequences of warning Roy would be even worse, so he humored his brother like always, hoping it wouldn't end in disaster.

"Okay." The blond turned to face him. "So this is how we're gonna pull off the prank of the century."

* * *

The next morning, Colonel Mustang mozied into his office with a loud yawn.

"Good morning, Lieutenant." He smiled nervously when he caught the woman's death glare.

"You're late."

"Well, someone made me drive to work myself this morning."

"That's because someone was slacking off on his paperwork again yesterday." That's when he noticed she was holding onto his secret stash of alcohol. "And I'll continue to take away privileges until you start taking it seriously."

"You know," he began with another yawn. "Last time I checked, I was the one in charge here."

"On the contrary, sir, you've asked me to push you to the top; and if you can't even manage to take care of a little paperwork, how do you expect to become fuhrer one day and take care of a whole country?"

He looked at her with a straight face, trying to pretend she wasn't right, but unable to say otherwise.

"Fine." He finally relented and took a seat at his desk. "It's too early to argue anyway."

"Good choice. Here's your morning coffee, sir."

He took the cup she had offered and began to sift through the different papers on his desk. One in particular caught his eye and he immediately opened it upon reading the title.

 _Colonel Mustang,_

 _I've captured the great Fullmetal Alchemist. If you ever want to see him alive again, you will come to the coordinates I have enclosed in this message. You will come alone and you will tell me the secret to your flame alchemy. If you cannot meet these requirements, your subordinate will die. That is all._

"Again?" He ran his hands through his hair in aggravation.

It wasn't the typical response you'd expect, But Ed wasn't a typical kid. This was not his first kidnapping, and Roy seriously doubted it would be his last. He could tell however, based on how the note was written and what little detail it contained, this person was most likely an amateur and the kid probably wasn't in too much danger.

Still, when it came to someone he cares about, Roy was not one to take chances.

"Everything alright?" Clearly Hawkeye could see the frustration on his face.

"It's Fullmetal. He's been kidnapped." He handed her the note and rose from his seat. "I want you and Havoc with me. We're going to set up a perimeter around the place. You get eyes on this guy while Havoc sets up behind you incase he manages to get away. Have Breda on standby for more back up and Fury prepped with medical supplies incase he's hurt. I want Fallman to contact Alphonse and see if he can provide any useful information. Have everyone get everything they need and meet me downstairs by the car in five."

"Yes sir!"

* * *

About forty-five minutes later, Roy made it to the coordinates he was given. Hawkeye had split up already and was most likely perched in a tree somewhere in the distance with a sniper riffle in hand. Havoc was also close, waiting for his cue to intervene. The others took their positions and everything was set up.

Glancing around, he was a bit surprised to find they were meeting in an open field. The grass was overgrown and tall weeds had sprung, indicating it wasn't being used by anyone currently. He noted the woods off in the distance, and a few small building structures if he squinted. One looked like a small tool shed, and a larger building further away resembled a barn. Based on the run down, half-collapsed shed, whoever had been farming here quit a long time ago. He was right on the outskirts of Central, which is probably why he didn't even know there was land out here.

Once he had taken in all the scenery, he realized no one had shown up yet, and there weren't too many placed they could be hiding.

He held one hand up, poised to snap if need be.

"Alright." He announced loudly. "Show me Fullmetal is okay and we can talk."

He scanned the area once more, until his eyes caught a slight movement in the corner. He almost snapped instinctively, but thought better of it and prepared himself for an attack. Surprisingly nothing happened, because when he turned to face the source, it was none other than the boy he had come to save, running at him full speed. So quickly, in fact, he ran right past him, shouting loudly.

"I almost had him! I think he ran this way! Come on!"

"Fullmetal, stop! Tell Me what's going on!"

The man could barely make out his condition as he zipped by, only noticing a tinge of red as the boy waved at him to follow.

 _Is that blood dripping from his hand?_

"No time, Colonel!"

Clearly having no other choice, he followed suit, signaling at his lieutenant to do the same and hoping she had seen it.

Ed ran as fast as his legs would carry him, making sure Mustang was far enough behind to not get hurt, but close enough to watch.

 _He's falling right into my trap._

He came to an old, abandoned barn that looked like it had belonged to the farm. There were multiple fenced off portions, and it still reeked of animals. It was definitely abandoned now, though. In fact, it looked like it was just about ready to fall apart.

Once Roy was close enough, the boy stopped in the front of the small door on the side and glanced back at his superior. "I'll bet anything he's in here. I'm going in!"

"Wait!"

He heard the man shouting at him as he swung open the door so hard it slammed shut after him.

It took Roy few seconds to gather his thoughts as far as a plan of attack, but he quickly sorted them out and picked up his pace again. "After him!"

That is, until a loud boom stopped him dead in his tracks. The second floor window exploded with fire as shards fell to the ground in front of him.

 _Ed!_

He tried to move again, but the roof suddenly caved in and the whole barn came crashing down in a mangled heap of burning wood.

His heart stopped.

"ED!"

He lunged forward without thinking, but strong hands caught him before he could reach the flames. He screamed the boy's name again and again, but Hawkeye's grip was unrelenting.

"Let me go! I have to get to Ed!"

"I can't, sir."

"That's an order!"

"I can't obey!" She held on tighter. "You'll only be killed if you try."

"I don't care!" He dropped to his knees, nearly pulling Riza on top of him. "Please…not him."

She quickly recovered and instead embraced him, for comfort, but also protection.

A cry escaped his mouth and he buried his face in his hands. Havoc walked up with a hand over his mouth in utter dismay

"We need this fire out now!" Riza snapped at him, never letting her gaze falter from the man in her arms who was now cursing himself.

The blond immediately fumbled with his pockets until he found the walkie talkie. He then left again in a hurry to explain the situation.

* * *

Ed sucked in a deep breath of fresh air as he dug out the last part of the tunnel. It felt so great to be above ground once again. His timing was perfect, slipping beneath the earth just before the bomb went off. He had located Al with ease, finding the younger brother crouching behind a large bush.

He slapped his flesh hand on the back of Al's armor in a playful manner. "Boy, that worked out perfectly! By the way, nice touch knocking out the support like that all the way from here. You did awesome."

"I don't know how I let you talk me into this…"

"Aw, come on Al, it's just a joke."

"Brother, look."

"What?" He squinted to get a better look at the man, but was only able to make out the fact that he was crouched on the ground. "What's he doing?"

"I think...he's crying."

"Nah, he's not...he's just, I don't know, being Mustang."

"Lieutenant Hawkeye had to hold him back from running into the flames after you."

The older blond just gave him a weird look of disbelief.

"I mean, he was actually going to try and run in there to get you out. He kept screaming your name. I think we made a huge mistake, brother."

Ed watched Roy again for a moment, then sighed. "I'm going to get closer so I can hear. Stay here."

* * *

It was quiet for a while, save the crackling of the fire. The burning smell left a weird taste in Riza's mouth as she still held on tight to her superior, afraid he might still try to run if she let go.

Ed had gotten close enough now that he could hear, but he made sure to conceal himself so he wouldn't get caught. This was the moment he had been waiting for. He had to have a good seat, right?

What was mere minutes felt like hours as he waited for the man to say something. Why was he being so quiet? He always had something to say about his youngest subordinate. He was expecting something along the lines of, "Well at least there isn't much of him to miss." But instead the first words he spoke were completely beyond his comprehension.

"I failed."

Roy slowly lifted his head to reveal wet eyes. "I c-couldn't save him."

His hands shook and his expression was full of regret.

"How can I be fuhrer someday if I can't even managed to save one boy's life?"

Ed sat completely still, shocked and now a little concerned. Roy wasn't supposed to react this way. Something wasn't right.

Riza Hawkeye, the embodiment of strength, was barely holding it together as she placed her hands on his shoulders.

"There was nothing you could have done differently. This situation was beyond our control. You are anything but a failure, sir."

"But why Ed? His still had so much to accomplish!" The man threw a fist down onto the ground and tangled his fingers in the dirt.

 _I knew it. He was only using me after all._

"He made a promise to me!" Roy continued as he stared down the ground like it was his greatest enemy "He promised to fix his mistakes. He promised to fix his brother! How can he do that if he's dead!? How can he help people and save lives? How can h-he..." He used his free hand to cover his face as his voice began to crack. "How can he change the world? Tell me, lieutenant, tell me how?

What started as concern was now a sinking feeling in Ed's gut, twisting and clawing at him from the inside. It was evident now he had made a huge mistake. Why did he think this was such a good idea? Why didn't Al talk him out of it before he made a fool of himself? Sure he was pissed and tired of being disrespected, but this was not the outcome he wanted.

And that wasn't even the worst part.

Now he had to tell him it was all pretend.

Sucking in a deep breath, he stood up and made his way over to Roy, careful not to startle him.

"Uh, hey, Colonel…"

Roy slowly lifted his head upon recognizing the familiar voice. His features changed into something the boy had never seen before at the realization that his subordinate was not dead. He gasped and blinked a couple times.

"E-Ed?"

Then, before the boy had time to explain, Roy jumped up, nearly pushing Riza aside and threw himself at Ed. He wrapped his arms around the blond tightly.

"You scared the hell out of me, kid."

Ed stood completely still, shocked at the affection Roy was offering.

Roy was _hugging_ him. When did that man _ever_ show him any kind of warm gesture like this? And why was he doing it now?

Doing all his instincts could think of, the boy patted him on the back a couple times and tried to put some distance between them.

"Uh yeah, sorry about that. You can let go now."

The older alchemist pulled back to examine his subordinate, still unsure that he was real.

"How in the world did you get out of there?"

Ed rubbed the back of his head nervously, avoiding Roy's tearful gaze. "Well, I, uh, kinda knew it was going to explode…"

"What? How?"

"I mean…" He trailed off, working his mind to come up with some sort of brilliant lie, but ultimately unable to bring himself to hurt the man more. "I'm the one who put it there in the first place…"

He watched as the man's face went from utter relief to angered confusion.

"Uh, April fools?" He finally just shrugged and put on a fake smile, hoping it would soothe things over.

Anger and confusion quickly morphed into fuery, as realization hit Roy faster than he could process.

"You mean to tell me this was all some kind of prank? I thought you were dead!"

"Well I didn't know you were going to cry about it!"

The young blond crossed his arms in embarrassment and watched as his superior bowed his head quietly. His hands were clenched into tight fists and his whole body started to shake.

"Get away from me."

He whispered it so quietly that Ed almost didn't catch it. He wanted to run, but his feet wouldn't move. Instead, he reached an arm out to touch the man.

"Come on, Roy, it was just a jo—"

"I said get away from me!" Mustang snapped and a red spark flew past the blond right into a huge oak tree. Within seconds, the whole thing was engulfed in flames.

Ed wouldn't consider himself afraid of much, especially when it came to his superior, but Roy had either meant to hit that tree, or he had just barely missed. And either scenario terrified him, because he could clearly see just how powerful that man was.

"Colonel! Give me your gloves. Right now."

Riza placed one hand out and the other on her holster. She gave him that look of command he could never turn down.

Except he had never experienced something quite like this before.

"No." He looked her in the eyes and for a brief moment, she saw the same man she knew in Ishvall. His eyes were dark and furious. She didn't even know how to respond to him. He looked like he might set the whole place on fire at any given moment.

"Just leave me alone. All of you."

And with that, he quickly walked away towards the woods.

"Colonel!" Riza called out to him, but didn't move to follow suit. She had seen him upset before. Since the war, he had experienced his fair share of bad days, and she had always been the first to come to his aid. But she knew no amount of words would help now. As much as she cared for the older Elric, this was his mess to fix. She turned to him with a look that would most likely send any man running in fear.

"I already know what you're going to say."

Surprisingly the boy spoke first. Quiet but firm. "If you want to yell at me, I understand, but I need to fix this."

"You will." She stated coldly. "And you're going to start by helping us put out this fire and cleaning up the place. That will give the colonel time to cool down, and then you can try begging for his forgiveness."

* * *

The dark haired man in his blue military uniform sat in the dark room he would almost consider his second home. His foster mom, Madame Christmas, was everything a young boy without a family could have hoped for growing up. Even as an adult, she would more than happily sit and listen to his boring military talk or complaints about all the paperwork. He knew when he was in a bad place, he could come here to get away.

Playing with the empty glass in front of him, he signaled for the woman to hand him another drink.

"You know this isn't the weekend, right? You sure you want to keep going?"

He stared at the glass a moment longer, then pushed it towards her as his answer.

"Alright, but I'm calling that Hughes friend of your if you get too wasted."

He mumbled a mere thanks in response and took the newly filled glad from her.

"Roy."

A familiar voice called to him from behind. He didn't bother turning around, knowing it was the last person he wanted to talk to right now. Maybe if he just ignored the boy he'd go away.

"Can we talk?"

Maybe not. He took another long drink and glanced at the woman who was still standing close by. He had given his foster mom a summary of the situation, so she was already giving him a look that said, "you had better talk to him."

He just sighed and set the drink down, silently admitting defeat.

"Well, I'll let you two to talk. Be nice now, Roy."

And with that she took her leave. The flame Alchemist closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Christmas wasn't going to let him leave without resolving things with the teen, so he might as well get this over with.

"How did you get in here? This is the one place you're not supposed to be able to find me."

"I told the guy out front I was a state Alchemist and a suspect I was looking for might be inside."

The man made a noise that sounded like a sneer and took another sip of his drink.

He heard the boy sigh and sit down next to him at the bar. "And I had already looked everywhere else."

Silence ensued for the next several moments. Roy didn't seem like he was going to break the silence, and Ed really wasn't sure where to start. He only knew he needed to say something.

"Look, I—"

"I'm not a monster."

Okay, so that wasn't exactly what he expected to hear out of his superior's mouth. Or anyone's mouth, really. The blond blinked in surprised.

"What?"

"I know what I did in Ishvall was wrong. It turned me into something I never want to be again. But I've fought monsters before, Ed. I'm not them. I'm a just normal human with normal feelings and just as many nightmares as you. I'm not as tough as I pretend to be. There are times when I don't even know if I'm worthy of being fuhrer someday."

"I know that…but…"

"So why, Ed! Just….why?"

Roy had slammed his drink down hard enough to spill some of the liquid over the side. After a hard look at him with red eyes, he looked away again and rubbed his forehead in frustration.

"You…" The young Alchemist cut himself off, looking away. Guilt was piling on top of him faster than he could shake it off. Why did he have to look at him like that? Like _he_ was the monster.

"You make me feel so stupid all the time." He finally explained quietly. "I thought pulling a prank would annoy you, not make you all upset."

Roy could feel his anger flaring back up. He had now turned so that he was completely facing the boy. One elbow rested on the table while his other arm flailed in front of him.

"Why wouldn't I be upset!?"

"Because you're not supposed to care!"

It was Ed's turn to throw his fist down, a metal one at that, startling a few nearby customers. "Otherwise you wouldn't make short jokes all the time or send me on stupid missions or treat me like a little kid!"

"Oh, for the love of god, I pick on you because every time you walk into my office, you're as cold as the day I met you. You really think I don't notice how upset you get when another lead comes to a dead end? How you pretend it's just my face you don't want to see, when you're really just defeated and tired of coming back empty handed? So yeah, I pick on you, because sometimes it's the only way to bring that fire back into your eyes and remind you why you're really here." He then threw both his arms up in a surrender-like motion. "Because heaven forbid I ask you what's wrong and actually get a real, mature answer instead of ''none of your business, Colonel jerkwad'."

He rolled his eyes and then pointed a half-drunken finger at him.

"And the reason why you get "stupid missions" is because I exhaust every one of my resources daily to get you intel on the stone. So when I find something that may be even be remotely related, I give it to you. I also don't want you getting killed out there, so no, I don't send you out into extremely dangerous situations. I don't doubt your ability, Fullmetal. We both know how talented you are, but forgive me for caring about you and your well being."

Clearly too stunned to respond, he watched as Ed's golden eyes had widened considerably. He couldn't remember if they had always looked that glassy, but he quickly decided he didn't care. Instead, Roy gladly took the opportunity to turn back to his drink and chug the rest of it down like it was his lifeline.

"I-I…"

His voice nearly cracking, the young blond closed his mouth and stood up.

He was staring at the ground and Roy thought for sure the kid was getting ready to walk away. That his words had meant nothing to his subordinate and the boy would never speak to him again. He glanced in Ed's direction just in time to see the boy's face scrunch up right before burying it in his hands.

"I'm such an idiot."

Definitely not the reaction he had expected, but Roy conceded it was a true statement nonetheless. He was just about to verbalized his agreement when Ed's head sprung up suddenly to stare at him.

He looked at him hesitantly for a few moments, then ran towards him at full speed until his arms found Roy's neck. The older man was so taken back by the reaction, he didn't do anything in response but continue to sit there.

"I'm sorry." The younger alchemist whispered with a shaky voice while his arms held on tightly. "T-Thank you."

"For what?" Roy's voice was cold and questioning.

He still hadn't accepted the embrace yet. Frankly, he wasn't sure if he even wanted to, but Ed was refusing to let go.

"For caring."

And it was then that Roy understood exactly what the boy was trying to say.

 _For caring like a real father would._

For caring more than his own father, who had abandoned him long ago. For caring about his well being and looking out for he and his brother. For keeping their secret and helping them achieve their goal.

For just…being there, when no one else was.

No other words were needed to explain the situation. Accepting Ed's apology, he finally embraced the blond with shaking arms. He closed his eyes, letting relief wash over him. Whether the boy was ever actually in any real danger, he was just glad Ed was safe now.

After several moments, the younger Alchemist pulled away with a red face. He sat back down in the seat next to him and began to twiddle his thumbs.

"So, uh, I guess this means we're even now?"

"Even? Are you kidding me?"

"Well you made me feel like crap! I had to search all over town for you."

"You made me think you were dead." The man deadpanned.

"Right." Ed laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head. "You win."

"The only reason I haven't punished you yet is because I'm still trying to make sure this whole thing isn't just a bad dream.

"It's not, Roy. But I really am sorry."

"I know."

The kid then stood up and stretched for a moment. "Well, seeing as how you're really enjoying that drink and I'm not supposed to be in here anyway, I guess I'll go." He turned around to leave then paused for a moment. "As long as we're good?"

Roy smiled, feeling as if they both had finally come to some sort of understanding between one another. "We are."

"Good."

The teen nodded and began to walk away.

"Oh, and Ed?"

"Yeah?" He paused once more and glanced back as his superior.

"The next time you try something like this, I will kill you myself. Understood?"

"Y-Yes sir!"

* * *

 _One year later:_

"Heyo!" Ed kicked the door open as usual and strode into his superiors office. He smiled with a spring in his step that was quite different from a year ago.

"Good morning, Fullmetal." Roy greeted from his desk.

"Alright." The blond started, plopping down on the couch. "What is this super secret mission for me that you couldn't say over the phone?"

"Ah, yes. It's an undercover mission. That's why I needed you to come in."

"Oh?" Ed leaned over and placed his hands on his knees in anticipation.

"There has been a serial killer lurking in the town Liore. I need you to go undercover and snuff him out."

"Doesn't sound too hard." He shrugged.

"Here's the deal. He seems to have a sick obsession for teenagers around your age."

Ed just rolled his eyes in response. "Great."

"At least three high school students from the local public school have gone missing. Your mission is to attend this school as a student and see if the killer is connected in any way."

"I have to go back to school? No way. I hate school."

"You don't have a choice, Fullmetal. These are the Fuhrers orders." He held up a piece of paper with Bradley's signature.

"Ugh. Why me?"

"That should be obvious, you look like a kid."

"Don't call me small!"

"Anyway, I'm not sending you out alone with a psycho killer in the area. I'm going to be undercover as well as a substitute teacher."

"Ha!" The boy almost fell off the couch laughing. "You, a teacher? That'll be sooo believable."

"I am skilled in many areas, you know. You're going to start with extracting information from the students while I talk to the staff. He could be a teacher, janitor, or even one of the parents."

The boy couldn't help but moan at what he thought was going to be a super fun mission. "This is going to be a pain."

"Oh, and there's one more thing." He laced his fingers together and placed his elbows on the desk.

"You're also going to be undercover as my son."

"W-What!?"

A small smile formed in the corner of Roy's mouth as he watched the boy began to freak out.

"No way! No way in hell. I am _not_ pretending to be your kid."

"It's already been arranged."

The man held up a small I.D. for Ed to take. Upon closer inspection, the boy's face turned to horror at the name printed on it.

 _Edward Mustang._

Ed staggered back a few steps, breathing heavily. This is a joke, right? It has to be." He doubled over and clutched his stomach. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"You're right." The man said, still utterly calm behind his desk, but now with a huge grin on his face. "I am joking. I just wanted to see how you'd react."

Ed froze suddenly from his hunched over position and glared at him. "W-What!" Now he was pissed, while Roy was feeling quite please with himself.

"I hate you." The boy growled, still reeling from the nausea.

"That was mean, I know. But I did tell you I'd get you back, didn't I? Here." He grabbed a cup from a table near the desk. "Drink some water before you pass out or choke or something."

Ed didn't even stop to think before taking the glass and pouring the liquid down his throat. The relief didn't last long however as he almost immediately spit the whole thing back up.

"Milk!" He shouted, throwing the cup at Roy's smug face. "You gave me MILK! I'll kill you!"

The man just shrugged, knowing he'd won.

"April fools."

* * *

 _So yeah. That happened._

 _Would Ed actually fake his death to get back at Roy? I don't know, maybe._

 _And I really twisted for coming up with a story where he did? Yeah, probably._

 _I swear one day I'm going to write something hats pure fluff. One day._

 _Just an update for future stories:_

 _I have a problem with starting something and then getting an idea for a different story and starting something else. So yeah, if I can ever finish them, you'll have a plethora of parental goodness to choose from. I am hoping to get a multi-chapter story out next, about Ed's birthday. Then, my goal is to finally post the sequel to "Bonds of Alchemy." I have been tweaking it and I'm really excited for that one to come out. So hopefully it won't be too much longer until you hear from me again._

 _'Till then!_


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